Vermont law says that a child should have as much regular contact with both parents as possible. School schedules, work schedules, the distance between the parents’ homes, and a child’s special needs all affect parent-child contact.

What if your ex harmed your child? Read our “Abuse and Best Interests of the Child” section on this page.

It is best for children if their parents can agree about custody and visitation. Read more on our Custody and Visitation (Parental Rights and Responsibilities) page.

If you and the other parent agree about where the child should live, who will make decisions regarding the child, and what visitation will be, you should write your agreement down.  

The Vermont Judiciary has information on what parents need to agree to if possible. Look at the information on “Reaching an Agreement.” If you want, fill out the Judiciary’s form called the Agreement on Parental Rights and Responsibilities, Parent Child Contact and Provisions Relating to Children.

Parents often have disagreements about their children. Your written agreement should say how you will solve disagreements in the future.

Once you have written up your agreement, both of you should sign it and file it with the court. If the judge thinks your agreement is in your child’s best interests, the judge will make your agreement into a court order. If the judge has any questions about your agreement, the judge will ask you questions when you go to your hearing.

Do you and the other parent disagree about custody and visitation? Then you will need to have a contested court hearing. You and others will give the judge evidence about your family, and the judge will decide what is in your child’s best interests.

Sometimes parents who cannot agree on custody and visitation want the court to order joint custody. The court will never grant joint custody to parents unless both parents agree. When parents cannot agree on joint custody, the judge will chose one parent based on the best interests of child. The judge will also make a visitation schedule based on the best interests of the child.

Evidence is information that people in a law suit give to the judge in court. There are several kinds of evidence. You don’t have to use them all.

Testimony is one kind of evidence. Testimony is when you or the other parent or someone else like a teacher, doctor, or therapist tells the judge what they have seen or heard that indicates what custody or visitation would be in the child’s best interests. Usually a person must attend the hearing to share their information or evidence.

There are a lot of rules about what kinds of evidence the court will allow and what it won’t allow. In general, photographs and objects which will help the judge decide your case are evidence that you can give to the family court judge. But generally the court will not allow you to submit a letter or affidavit from someone, or a medical or school report. Instead, a person will need to come to court and testify about the information behind the document. (There are some exceptions to this in the court rules.)

You will need to give evidence to the judge in court about your child, the other parent, and yourself. The judge will listen to everyone who testifies. The judge will use the evidence to decide what is in your child’s best interests. Then the judge will decide about parental rights and responsibilities (also called custody and visitation).

The judge needs to know about these particular things:

• your child’s relationship with you and with the other parent
• how well you communicate and make decisions with the other parent
• how you help your child have a good relationship with the other parent
• how you help your child keep up important relationships with family and friends
• your child’s current housing, school and community
• your parenting skills and the skills of the other parent that you have observed
• how much care each parent provides for your child
• your ability to provide your child with a safe and stable place to live
• any abuse

Some of these ideas are described in more detail below.

Your Child’s Relationship with You and with the Other Parent

Can you and the other parent give your child love, affection and guidance? Guidance can mean different things. Is your child very young? Guidance may mean making good decisions for your child. Is your child older? Guidance may mean helping your child make good decisions for himself. Guidance may also mean setting limits for your child.

Do each of you help your child have a good relationship with the other parent? Tell the judge that you are willing and able to help your child have a good relationship with the other parent. Give examples of how you have fostered their relationship, such as encouraging regular contact.

Making Decisions and Communicating with the Other Parent

A parent needs to be able to talk to and listen to the other parent whenever possible. Give the judge examples of times you and the other parent have worked well together in your child’s best interests. How have you handled difficult decisions?  If the other parent harmed or threatened you or your child, see our “Abuse and Best Interests of the Child” section below.

Your Child’s Relationships with Others

What important relationships does your child have with relatives and other people? How are your child’s home, community and school helping your child? How would your child respond if she had to move or change schools? How have you and the other parent helped your child have good relationships? How will you help your child keep these relationships in the future?

Things the judge may consider about your child’s important relationships:

• where you live
• where the other parent lives
• how far it is between where you and the other parent live
• transportation
• where your child goes to school
• your child’s school schedule
• your work schedule
• the other parent’s work schedule
• your child’s relationships with others (for example, brothers and sisters, grandparents, aunts and uncles)
• your community
• your child’s needs

Who Is Your Child’s Primary Caregiver?

Is your child very young? Does your child have special learning, emotional or medical needs? Does your child have a disability? Be sure to tell the judge how old your child is. Tell the judge about any special needs or disabilities your child has. Explain how you and the other parent have met your child’s needs.

Tell the judge who mainly cares for your child. Caring for your child means doing things for your child that your child can’t do without help. Caring for your child includes:

• feeding
• dressing
• cleaning
• teaching
• taking your child to the doctor, school or other activities
• protecting your child

Providing a Safe and Stable Place to Live

Normally, a parent must be able to provide the child with a safe and stable place to live in order to get custody. The court will usually order the parent who doesn’t have custody to pay child support. (This is true whether or not the other parent has visitation rights.) The child support helps the parent who has custody to keep up a home for the child.

A safe and stable home is not necessarily a fancy home or a home with lots of things for the child. Making a safe and stable home includes:

• making sure your child has proper food, clothing and other things he needs
• getting your child where she needs to be on time and picking her up
• paying rent or mortgage and utility bills

Do you want to learn more about custody and visitation? Visit our Child Custody and Visitation page.

The court will consider evidence of abuse and the impact of the abuse on the child.

If the other parent has abused your child, the court will consider the abuse and the impact of the abuse on the relationship between the child and the abusing parent.

Parents are responsible for protecting their children from people who harm them. If you are aware that your child has been abused by someone in the other parent’s household, present evidence of the abuse to the court. (See What is Evidence above.)  

Victims are often intimidated by the person who harmed or threatened them. Victims sometimes agree to an order that isn’t in their child’s best interests because they are afraid or they want to avoid a fight. If you are in this situation, you should talk to a lawyer before you agree to anything or go to court. Your local domestic violence program can help you.